We’ve all heard the aphorism that the leader who tries to make everyone in her organization happy will only succeed at making everyone unhappy. Most of us probably believe it. (I certainly do.) But what does that aphorism mean, and what leadership principles does it elucidate?

The most obvious reality behind this statement is the fact that sometimes, members of your organization are going to want mutually exclusive things. One person will want the library to stop charging late fees; another will insist that keeping late fees is essential. One department will want to expand its work area into the space of another department, which wants to keep all of its current space. Two staff employees will apply for the same faculty position. In some of these circumstances, a compromise might be possible: space can be divided between departments; late fees can be kept but reduced. However, in some cases, a compromise is not possible: if only one faculty position is open, both staff employees can’t be hired into it. 

This means that a leader’s job is sometimes a matter of brokering compromises and looking for win-win solutions, and sometimes a matter of deciding who will win and who will lose. The former requires patience, analytical thinking, an ability to help competing individuals see mutual benefit in compromise, and the creative ability to discover new options when only two options appear possible. The latter requires analytical thinking and the strength to do the right thing even when doing so will be uncomfortable and will make one of his employees angry or unhappy. 

The leader who can’t accept that win-lose solutions are sometimes the only ones available will be paralyzed when such situations arise (as they inevitably will), and the leader who insists on trying bring every conflict to a win-win solution will end up forcing poor and possibly destructive solutions.

So what’s the leadership principle that applies here? It’s simple, but not easy: