Are You a Workaholic? Does It Matter?

I have a confession to make: I've always thought of myself as a fundamentally lazy person. I mean, not pathologically lazy; when our kids lived at home I always really tried to make sure I was carrying my weight in the childcare department (my wife was a stay-at-home mom, and my cardinal rule was: both of us have full-time jobs, and that means both of us continue working side-by-side until the kids are in bed), and I work hard at my job, and I'd rather be just a little too busy than be wondering what I should do with myself. I get up early and run three miles, six days a week. But now that our nest is empty, most evenings I'm very happy to sit on the couch for most of the evening, bingeing a British crime series with my wife. I love, love, love sleeping in on weekends. And almost as much as any of those things, I love letting someone else be in charge of a meeting. I love figuring out ways to get things done with less effort.

Maybe to put it another way: I love my work, but I don't feel any particular desire to do more of it than I need to.

With all of that in mind, as I've risen through the ranks of leadership and my scope of stewardship has broadened, I've noticed something about myself: I am always – always – on my email. I don't know how many times I check it per day; I don't even know how to quantify my checking of email. Email is open on my desktop during all the hours I'm at work, and I check it first thing when I get home, multiple times during the evening, and then last thing before I go to sleep at night. I monitor email throughout the weekend and on holidays and when I'm on vacation. I don't always reply during those periods (especially not during weekends and holidays, when I need to be careful about sending the wrong message to my staff), but I still always feel the need to know what's in my inbox, if only to reassure myself that there's nothing in there that will blow up on me later.

My wife is a very patient person and doesn't usually get on my case about this. However, once while we were on vacation I said something off-hand about not being a workaholic, and she kind of raised her eyebrow and said, "Are you sure about that?". It really struck me that she said that – and it made me try to take a step back and observe my own behavior from her vantage point. And sure enough: when I did that, I could see how my behavior would look to someone else like that of a workaholic, someone who just can't ever detach from their work.

But how could I simultaneously be a workaholic and someone who is fundamentally lazy? And what does any of this have to do with you, dear reader?

After giving this issue a fair amount of thought over the years, here are a few conclusions I've come to:

1. "Workaholism" doesn't have a precise definition. For many kinds of addiction, the rule of thumb is "If the thing to which you think you might be addicted is negatively affecting one or more of your major life functions, you may have a problem." I think that's a pretty useful and rational principle. So instead of asking yourself "Am I a workaholic?," maybe ask yourself "Do I find myself wishing I could work less so that I could do more _____ [fill in the blank: mountain-climbing, playing with my kids, talking to my spouse, reading non-work-related books, community service, etc.]?" If the answer is yes, then ask yourself what the top three non-work things are that you wish you were doing more of, and start with the top one. How much would you have to cut back on work in order to do that thing? Start there.
2. Your work-life balance is not just about you. If you're single and live alone, and if you absolutely love your job, then maybe working 12-14 hours a day really does represent a good work-life balance for you. If working that much is what brings you joy, I'm not sure it's anyone else's place to say you're wrong. But chances are good that you do have relationships outside of work that matter to you, and your approach to work is going to have an impact on the other people in those relationship. If you have a spouse and/or children, the potential impact on them is obvious. But how often to do you see or talk to your parents or siblings? How often do you say to friends "Sorry, I can't go out with you tonight – too much work to do"? How often do you turn down opportunities to provide service to others because of work pressures? Even if your higher-than-usual dedication to (and genuine enjoyment of) your job makes you happy, is it taking a toll on the happiness of others you care about? If so, how much does that matter to you?
3. What example are you setting for your staff? I'll never forget an experience I had about thirteen years ago. I was serving as the interim dean of a library at a major research institution, and enjoying the experience. I particularly enjoyed the relationship I had developed with the provost, who was very supportive and a joy to work with. Once during this period, while I was on vacation with my family, I woke up in the middle of the night and found myself unable to get back to sleep. After a while I got out of bed, grabbed my laptop, made my way to another room where I wouldn't disturb anyone, and checked my email. I don't remember what the issue was that grabbed my attention, but it led me to write a message to the provost. I sent the message off, closed my computer, and went back to bed. The next day the provost called me, and really gave me a dressing-down. "I don't EVER want to see an email from you at 2:00 am again," he said. And he was absolutely right. Imagine if I had sent that message to someone who reported to me – what would I have been saying to them? But also, the provost was concerned about my own work-life balance – he was saying "I'm your boss and I don't want you to be working at 2:00 am." I've never forgotten that experience, and I've tried to (maybe a bit more gently) convey the same message to those who work for me.

Ultimately, though, I don't think there are any hard-and-fast rules about work-life balance, or any easy formulas that can help you decide whether you're a workaholic. But if you think you might have a problem, I'd suggest that the best place to start is by talking to whoever it is you're closest to – the friend, parent, spouse, daughter, son, sibling, or whoever it is that represents your most important relationship – and asking them what they think. You may or may not agree with or decide to act on what they say, but I bet you'll come away with useful information.

Takeaways and Action Items

• There's no hard-and-fast formula for defining an appropriate work-life balance.
• Your work-life balance affects others as well as you.
• Ask yourself whether your dedication to work is stopping you from doing anything else you really want to do. How much time do you wish you had for that other thing? What's one thing you could change about your approach to work that might contribute to your ability to do that thing?